The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Randomize
