i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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