That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
