No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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