I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
