After last night, I could never be a politician.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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