I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
