Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
