better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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