Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
His nipple licking is glorious
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