put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
