last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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