How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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