I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
