i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
