Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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