Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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