My sheets look like a crime scene.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
