just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
