what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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