Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I forget how to act sober
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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