I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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