My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
