I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
