Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
