Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
