I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He? As in you personified your dick?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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