Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
