I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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