i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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