This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
