i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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