I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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