You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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