Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
