Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
