He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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