Hey man sorry I got all grabby
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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