i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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