my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
