Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
