I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
