I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
