I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
