your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
