i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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