I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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