Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
