I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
