It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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