WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
