I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
