...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
