you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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