Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
