I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
