sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wish you could order shots online.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
