I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
