just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
