dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
