It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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