my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
