i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
