between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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