He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
