i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
