Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
