I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
