about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The power of my boobs compel you
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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