My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
two words: eviction party
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
