Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
