i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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